Most women (not me) are good at dealing with the anxiety; you know, using different outlets like crafting or working out or learning a new language. They get excited and they start planning their homecoming outfits and their homecoming signs and discuss what they should make for dinner on their husband's first night home... They primp and pamper and, and, and... THEY JUST DO EVERYTHING. These women are superheroes in my eyes.
Because me? Not so much.
I find that I'm aloof and distracted and constantly finding some reason to angst. I mean, I still haven't even gotten an official homecoming date. Some girls have gotten dates from their men already, and they're not even coming back until almost two months after Derek is! Do you know how stressful that is? Do you have any idea how hard that makes it to plan things? I have a ballpark estimation of his arrival date - everything else is up in the air, since it could change at any time. Welcome to the Army, right? Can it please, please, please, with a cherry on top, be May? Or April? Or whatever month it is that he's supposed to come home? Please? I haven't started doing any of the million things that I told myself I'd do (shed 10 more pounds, start tanning, start eating healthier), it's like a New Year's resolution all over again!
Moving on.
The general craziness has included: moving back to Colorado Springs (which meant driving 1,260 miles in two days), frantically looking for a house to move into, and finding things to consume my time. Not like any of these are hard to do, they're just time consuming and draining. So far, I've seen over a dozen houses. (None of which are "up to standard" for my darling husband - did I mention that he's 6,000 miles away and hasn't been there to see said houses? I believe I did.) Alas, the search for the quintessential perfect home continues. More to come on that later.
And the crabbiness.
How do I describe it? Oh yeah: ALSKDJFHGLKSALDJHGDFG. I've heard that crabbiness becomes your demise at the end of deployment - with only a few short months to go, I feel like I'm one, huge, walking, ball of negativity. Okay, maybe I am, but I'm working on not being so negative. I've got some awesome friends that force me to think positive and look on the bright-side. While I'm not the best at that, I find that I'm getting better at reminding myself that "this is just temporary". Before I go to sleep, one of the last thoughts in my head is, "He's going to be home soon. Hang in there and stay strong. This is just temporary." See? I'm trying!
But (!), here's one yeehaw from this deployment: remember how I said I wanted to lose 10 more pounds? Well, that means I'm only 5-8 pounds away from my original goal weight of 120! I've been slacking on my working out for the past few weeks and I've been eating badly (Chipotle has consumed my life), but I'm really happy with how my body had been faring. I'm feeling fitter than I have in a long time, which means feeling better about myself and being more motivated to continue the hard work!
It's hard, this deployment. But it hasn't gotten the best of me. I've got good days and bad days. Okay, if I'm being honest, sometimes I'm convinced that I'm bi-polar with these huge mood swings that I've got, but, again, that's all part of the joy-ride that's called deployment. All I can do is hope that when he comes home, things will be normal, peaceful, and wonderful. It's been tough, it's been fun, it's been stressful and tiring and wonderful... Don't get me wrong, it's not always horrible, but it's not always fun, either. I'm just ready for this first one to be over and done with, that way Derek and I can finally start our life together.
Who wouldn't wish for that, right?
You're beautiful <3
ReplyDelete