I've been crumbling these last few days. I was good all week until I allowed myself to indulge in tears, and now they seem to be threatening to spill over again.
I'm angry that I've allowed myself to wallow and get "down". I should be better at this - we did the distance thing when Derek was in South Korea last year. So, why is this so much harder for me? Oh, I know why:
1. It's a war zone.
2. His life is in danger.
3. The communication is horrible.
It's been 4 days since I've seen his face on Skype, 7 days since I last kissed him, and this past week has felt like the longest week in the history of the world... I knew time could crawl, but I had no idea that it would creep like sludge through the day. Why couldn't time have stopped for us the day he left? Why couldn't I just get one last day with him?
Because one more day wouldn't have been enough, either.
I need to stop wallowing, like, pronto. Enough tears have been shed and too much angst has been going into these last few days - I need to get back into my positive state of mind. I need to refocus my energy on being constructive, dedicated and strong; allowing myself to mope is like chewing gum during a test (it will give you something to do, but it won't help you solve the problem).
So, this is the end of my whining for a while. It will probably start again at some point, but I'll just have to keep reminding myself that this is temporary, and it will all be over sooner than I realize.
My new motto for the week: rather than aiming to have a perfect day, aim to simply have a better day than yesterday.
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