The tears came tonight. I was trying my hardest not to let my emotions run rampant with themselves, but they seemed content with forcing themselves out of my eyeballs in the shape of tears...
It's funny because people have been asking me all week, "Emily, how do you do it? You've been so strong. You're not crying about your husband being gone, you're so positive!" The truth is, it's not that I'm being "positive", I"m simply not allowing myself any time to get down about it. I've been going since I came back and today was the first night in a week that I had a bit of alone time to myself - which is the reason why the tears finally found a way to my cheeks tonight.
It was a strange feeling. I felt totally and completely alone. While I may be surrounded by family and friends that love me, I still feel like I'm wandering around a dark room, groping for something recognizable. But that something isn't there anymore, that something is in Afghanistan now. So, while I'm doing my best to stay positive and happy on the outside, on the inside I'm feeling lost and frustrated.
I miss my husband and tonight I cried about it. Tomorrow I probably wont cry about it, but tonight I did, and (honestly) I feel a lot better knowing that I am not invincible. There will be more nights like this, I'm sure, but hopefully they will be few and far between.
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